Where’s the cake?

As I write this there are people camped out all over the country protesting the state of the American economy.  Unemployment is high, foreclosures continue and life for the 99% does not seem as comfortable as it was for the previous generation of  Americans.

Amidst all of this you are ready to get married.  It’s your turn to take the next step and face the future.  Marriage is the ultimate challenge, even in good economic times, but adversity never stops people in love.  If you are ready to start a new life together you’re going to do it.  How you do it will reflect your creativity and ingenuity.  Look back three and four generations and see how your great-grandparents and grandparents were married.   What’s been traditional for your family?

As an event planner I help with every kind of milestone family celebration—events which often need a venue, a caterer, music, photography, specialty cake, etc.  I’ve helped plan 50^th anniversaries for couples who never had a formal reception on their wedding day for reasons varying from the economy, to wartime, to spontaneity.  These couples raised families and enjoyed and now miss the struggles, challenges, and little victories they experienced in half a century of married life.  They don’t really regret missing out on the fairy-tale wedding because they have been living, for the most part, the “happily ever after” part of the tale.

So get the Kardashian wedding out of your head.  You can’t top Kim’s wedding budget but you can definitely top the longevity of her marriage.  If there is a lesson to be learned from this example of a 1%-ers wedding it’s simply this—find the right person for you and then don’t let the wedding plans and budget get out of hand. 


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You Have A Friend...

Today more than ever I see brides and grooms calling upon their friends and family to help with the wedding.  This could be the best idea ever or... perhaps not.  It's a lot of fun to gather up the Martha Stewart books and bridal magazines to find out what's in style. The articles help you develop a theme and offer advice on every aspect of the engagement, wedding ceremony and reception and honeymoon.

 As you look it all over you may start to think about your friend who's a DJ, your friend who loves flowers, your friend who bakes the best cakes ever, and your friend who is a hobby-chef.  Every family has at least one amateur photographer.  You start to wonder if you really need professional wedding services.

Most volunteerism will be squelched at the very start when the venue you want allows only licensed caterers and requires you to use in-house services and/or vendors from a preferred list.  Ask the venue wedding coordinator what services you may be allowed to provide.

If you really want to go with "friends and family" you might consider a home wedding or renting a community hall with less stringent rules.

Asking for help may be harder than you expect.  Some friends will decline the honor. Consider the wedding cake:  The wedding cake is an important, symbolic, traditional centerpiece of a wedding reception.  Does your friend want to be responsible for this?  Would you hire a bakery to make a wedding cake for the very first time?  Probably not.  Your friend will angst about it for months prior to the wedding and pour money, sweat and tears into that cake.

 I have seen many ceremonies and receptions which called upon the talents of friends and relatives as well as hired professional services to take care of the "heavy lifting."  Friends may love decorating and arranging flowers but they won't stick around to help with the dishes.  Once a volunteer has a glass of wine or takes a twirl on the dance floor that person becomes a guest.

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How To Get Started

When you start to plan a wedding it is a simple idea.  You want to marry the person you love and settle down together.  You've been a guest at weddings and they were so much fun.  Food, music, dancing - everyone was happy.  Now it's your turn.  You might also remember that one wedding you attended that wasn't that great.  They ran out of food, the DJ talked too much, the photographer monopolized the wedding couple... not so much fun.   

Memories of what was great and what was not so great will help get you started.  After that it is up to you to research options and narrow down to a day, time of day, site of ceremony, site of reception, and a multitude of other detail-riddled parts to the puzzle your wedding day will become.

 

The Internet

The internet is filled with information.  Refine your search to desired geographic locations and then open the can of worms.  Everyone wants your business.  Every bit of information is an advertisement or advice from someone who will benefit when the advice is taken.  (I am writing this piece hoping you will discover who I am and what I provide for weddings in my area.)    If a venue is listed in Here Comes The Guide remember there is a fee involved.  Specially certified, pre-screened, pre-qualified, award-winning, and generally highly-recommended venues and services somehow pay for those distinctions. 

Set the accolades aside and find out for yourself.  When you call a venue does someone answer the phone?  Can you make a site tour appointment?  Can you know the general price range before the tour to know if it's within your budget?  If you send an email is it answered promptly?   Find out who you need to deal with and speak with that person.   Will that person still be there next summer when your wedding actually takes place? 

 

First (and Second) Impressions

When you gather a ton of information remember that it's 1,999 pounds too much. You need to be selective along the way so you can remember what was worth considering.  You will need to narrow down and then re-examine your favorite venues. The choice regarding wedding ceremony site and reception site is the hardest decision to make.  Not only should those sites be beautiful and fitting for a wedding --they also need to be affordable to you, accessible, and easy to work with.  If you find yourself jumping through too many hoops ask yourself if it's worth it.  Remember that you are the customer.

 

Visit Weddings in Marin for wedding service providers who are located in Marin and know Marin.